When rummaging through my clothes finding a shirt to throw on so so i can for once feel comfortable walking around my apartment i found YOUR SHIRT. The familiar Hanes white T you would slip on to feel comfortable around me.
You used to walk into my apartment looking casual from a long day of doing God knows what you do to just want to feel comfort in my arms. The only way you could is to take off the layers you held so tight. Layers of ego, fake, stress, smoke, drugs, addiction, agony, and life to slip on something you seemed to love. That white broken in, raw, and a simpler complete you. Throwing it on taking a deep smell of its clean self your face and personality went from holding the world on your shoulders to a simple smile of relief to be in my comfort. After the simpler side came out the times of our lives we had. Young and wild we would become at night but when dawn came and I would wake to the white shirt against me moving up and down as your took calm breaths holding me tight against you. I never thought the sun would rise to wake us from the world we lived. But the sun would rise, you would take the comfortable worn in white shirt off, look me in the eyes, say a lingering good bye that you did not want to say and always promise to return later to me as your secret escape.
Then the day came when the ego of your reality you wanted me and your white shirt as an escape from consumed you. It took you away and what you left me with was the raw self of yours you once ached for each day in the only piece you felt safe within is that white shirt. The white shirt you left behind was buried in the back on my closet so I would never have to recall how much joy you brought me and I brought you. I left it there, moved on, not dwelling on what could have been because you never did.
So while I take comfort in walking around my apartment with the white cotton touching the body you used to hold tight and never wanted to let go of. I find myself smiling that what we had, did, and done in our time together made me strong. Made me better. Made me bitter. Made me sarcastic. Made me athletic. Made me want. Made me need. Made me share. Made me open. Made me love. Made me ache. Made me who I am today. I never hated you after you left and I still don’t. But my heart has cracked a little when I know you will never be that comfortable man you strived so hard to be because you let the harsh reality you tried not to live take you over. I am sorry that it took hold of you but I promise this white shirt you used to escape with to me that I will take all you wanted to be and make it worth living.