It can be any numerous things or activities that consume you so deeply that all you can think of is that thing. Working out. Social media. Drinking. Cellphone. Soda. Candy. Cigarettes. Music. Anything that when you are not doing it, it bothers you. I had this addiction to running for years, it was my solitude from my life and the escape I looked for. As life grew with me the addiction was not enough, I needed another thrill. I found smoking. It went from cool to social to my addiction and escape instead of running as I moved to the city. I can not do it anymore this addiction of smoking. The sucking down of polluted smoke into my vast lungs to feel an at ease feeling for 20 minutes. It takes me over, smoking constantly, never eating, tapping my fingers and chewing my nails until I can suck down my next cancer stick. My pledge is to associate this time in my life as young and immature, something to grow after. So now the letter of the day is A as in Addiction- the thing that I will not let consume me anymore but instead say B as in Bye to it.
I can not believe that this time last year I was sitting in sweats in a study room studying for 9 hours out of my day pulling my hair out at the site of knowing that I have to do well in school to pass general education classes….a year later I have moved to a city, changed my lifestyle, expanded my résumé, gained experience, found new friends, and living a life that will get me somewhere. I sit on the lawns of Grant Park in Chicago listening to the noises of the city and the sun shining in my face. With two days before I turn 21 and I could not feel more comfortable with my life. I feel the grass beneath me as a blessing from God that I am on the right path to where I need to go.
Spend every day by walking outside looking into the sky and whether sunlight, rain, or darkness hits you remember that today is new and can be made into something extremely special in your life. Live the life you want to be living. Everyday. That is my blessing to you.
Going left instead of right on your profile picture on Facebook you find a smack in the face from the past. You find the different clothes. Face. Personality. Young blood staring at you in the new face you have now.
When looking back I think to myself, what really drew people into wanting to be my friend, around me, in my presence? I was 40 pounds heavier, horrible still of sweatshirts, faded jeans, and hair up. I was not popular. I was not the best looking. Everyone knew me from my family. I had sports VERY evident in my life. I was mediocre. So what was it…when I graduated high school I lost the weight, gained some confidence, grew a pair, didn’t give two shits, adapted to fashion, and grew up. I still am that little high schooler though. When I go back home to visit and see people I graduated with, people whom I never talked to in high school and don’t now, are drawn to communicating with me. Is it because I am different, changed, better now? Moved to a major city? Was loosing weight the real deal factor of people talking to me?
I want to understand what people thought of me back then, as to why in they had any draw to talking to me? What was it? I don’t see it…
I still don’t.
I have lived with magic and without magic, and I can tell you with certainty that a life with magic is better (via Viola)
As the papers pile up, long nights of staring at computer screens filled with power points, and the white cords tangle from your several devices. This is a usual occurrence around these spring months. It is almost a fun for college administrations to be like ‘oh, yes you are so close to have your glorious summer! The weather is is nice but no no no you have an exam to study for and a 8 page paper due the last day of class. Piece of cake.’ With a big ole grin on their faces basically saying you fuckers.
As I sit hear writing this, I am pulling my hair out with these stresses. Back in the day of our grandparents where college only cost $10 a semester with studying things such as the history of the wheel. While I sit hear looking up spread sheets and statistics of the generational and cultural affect a magazine has on a society. Yes, that is how obscure marketing is.
But I love it. I have this occurrence of people wondering why I took on the major of a marketing student. With a response that usually ends with ‘well that sounds so easy! Hahahaha’ and with my dead pan glare at them and fake laugh they still think I am agreeing with them.
YOU DO THIS AND WE’LL SEE WHO IS LAUGHING.
With the cost I pay to go to school I put %150 of my time into these obscure yet so fascinating classes on how I can possibly sell or manipulate it into something you who laugh will consider to consume. My creative, out of the box mind is meant for this but why would you try even to put me down when I already have sold you on something. You just don’t even realize it. So challenge me again that Marketing sounds OH SO EASY and we’ll see who is tricking who.
I’ll win.
I’ve crossed many finish lines with relief of what i just trained for to outstretched arms of friends & family…I can not in a million years imagine what it felt like to be in Boston with fellow runners covered blood, without limbs, thrown on the ground, & without any idea as to why them. To those who ran, watched, or knew someone I give my prayers to you. As well as my wanting to never stop running to remember you forever. #prayforboston #neverstoprunning
When rummaging through my clothes finding a shirt to throw on so so i can for once feel comfortable walking around my apartment i found YOUR SHIRT. The familiar Hanes white T you would slip on to feel comfortable around me.
You used to walk into my apartment looking casual from a long day of doing God knows what you do to just want to feel comfort in my arms. The only way you could is to take off the layers you held so tight. Layers of ego, fake, stress, smoke, drugs, addiction, agony, and life to slip on something you seemed to love. That white broken in, raw, and a simpler complete you. Throwing it on taking a deep smell of its clean self your face and personality went from holding the world on your shoulders to a simple smile of relief to be in my comfort. After the simpler side came out the times of our lives we had. Young and wild we would become at night but when dawn came and I would wake to the white shirt against me moving up and down as your took calm breaths holding me tight against you. I never thought the sun would rise to wake us from the world we lived. But the sun would rise, you would take the comfortable worn in white shirt off, look me in the eyes, say a lingering good bye that you did not want to say and always promise to return later to me as your secret escape.
Then the day came when the ego of your reality you wanted me and your white shirt as an escape from consumed you. It took you away and what you left me with was the raw self of yours you once ached for each day in the only piece you felt safe within is that white shirt. The white shirt you left behind was buried in the back on my closet so I would never have to recall how much joy you brought me and I brought you. I left it there, moved on, not dwelling on what could have been because you never did.
So while I take comfort in walking around my apartment with the white cotton touching the body you used to hold tight and never wanted to let go of. I find myself smiling that what we had, did, and done in our time together made me strong. Made me better. Made me bitter. Made me sarcastic. Made me athletic. Made me want. Made me need. Made me share. Made me open. Made me love. Made me ache. Made me who I am today. I never hated you after you left and I still don’t. But my heart has cracked a little when I know you will never be that comfortable man you strived so hard to be because you let the harsh reality you tried not to live take you over. I am sorry that it took hold of you but I promise this white shirt you used to escape with to me that I will take all you wanted to be and make it worth living.
